she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
