I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
me + whiskey = a bad person
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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