omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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