Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Randomize
