Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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