she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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