My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
