well I can't set my house on fire every night
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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