I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
literally had 100 drinks last night.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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