we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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