It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
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