After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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