pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
