Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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