have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
