who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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