So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
