it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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