Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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