so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
