dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
