her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
