you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
