Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize