I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
