Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
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