there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
