A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
