I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
