My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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