I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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