lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I am full of burrito and curiosity
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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