dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
