I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
