im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
