I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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