3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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