I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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