dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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