The maid of honor just puked.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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