sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
