i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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