Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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