Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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