So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
