this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
