I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
We don't watch enough power rangers
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
