i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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