i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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