like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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