He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
