he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
