I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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