it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
