um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
