Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Randomize
