Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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