dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
