So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
