I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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