I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
