Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
