You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
