Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Did I show you my penis last night?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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