i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
