I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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