Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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