u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
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She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
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Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
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