he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
