ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
