An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
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