Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
