Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
