maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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