They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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