Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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