I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
