He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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